‘I need to be the lion’: Inside a boot camp teaching men how to talk to women

‘I need to be the lion’: Inside a boot camp teaching men how to talk to women

I need to be the lion – Steve Crook’s eyes narrow as he scans the bustling street, his focus razor-sharp. “I’m very selective,” he explains, his tone calm yet determined. Among the throngs of people—bachelorettes, dog walkers, and shoppers juggling bags—he zeroes in on the target. “They have to look the part,” he says, his standards clear. “Long legs, big boobs, and a slim figure. I’m a real Barbie fan, basically.” His plan is set: He’ll approach the woman, a young person laughing with friends, and make his move. But the execution is anything but smooth.

The Lion’s Gambit

Mid-afternoon in Nashville, the sidewalk is alive with activity, yet nothing deterrs Crook. He breaks into a sprint, weaving past cars and pedestrians, all in pursuit of his objective. “I just thought, f**k it,” he recounts later, offering a play-by-play to CNN. “Let’s stop overthinking and just go for it.” His attempt is bold: He halts the woman, heart pounding, and praises her beauty. But the response is unexpected. She begins to retreat, and the conversation falters. Crook fumbles for words, his confidence wavering. “It was awkward,” he admits. “It lasted only seconds.”

“You were kind of behind them,” Artisan remarks. “You’ve got to get in front of all of them.”

Standing nearby, Matt Artisan watches the exchange with a mix of concern and critique. His earphones, connected to a hidden microphone, let him hear every detail. As Crook returns to the group, Artisan delivers his verdict: “Not good.” The feedback is relentless—each interaction is dissected for vocal tone, body language, and timing. “I heard the voice go up a few times,” Artisan notes, pointing out areas for improvement. Crook, a 55-year-old recently divorced man, takes it all in, his self-doubt palpable. “I just feel like a p*ssy,” he confesses, desperate to shed his “nice guy” persona and embrace a more assertive identity.

Intensive Training: A New Era of Social Skills

Over the following days, Crook’s journey intensifies. He practices in diverse settings—on sidewalks, in rowdy nightclubs, and during quiet moments in dimly lit rooms. Each encounter is a test, and Artisan is always there to critique. “We’ll work on that,” the coach says, his tone encouraging but unyielding. The program, called The Attractive Man, has grown into a nationwide phenomenon, with locations in cities like New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Seattle, Dallas, Miami, Las Vegas, Boston, and more. Its reach extends beyond the U.S., offering workshops in Europe, Asia, and Central America by the end of 2026.

Participants like Brandon Viall describe the program as a response to a modern crisis. “We are suffering from an epidemic of loneliness,” he says, reflecting on the broader societal shift. “We’re connected by screens, but is that real connection?” The men credit a combination of factors for their isolation: the dominance of dating apps, political divisions, and the cultural impact of the #MeToo movement. One attendee jokes that these apps have “scared the s**t out of a lot of guys,” making them hesitant to engage in face-to-face interactions.

Cracking the Code of Social Interaction

For Artisan and his peers, the goal is simple yet daunting—master the art of seduction. They view the boot camps as a way to reclaim a lost skill, one that’s been eroded by digital communication. “We want to win a game that only we’re playing,” says one participant, capturing the competitive spirit. The methods are often rooted in the traditions of the 2000s, with a focus on confident body language and assertive dialogue. Yet, the language can sometimes veer into objectification, as men describe women in terms of physical attributes rather than personality.

Despite the sometimes-archaic vibe, the camps are adapting to contemporary challenges. The participants are not just learning how to flirt; they’re also grappling with deeper questions about masculinity and connection. “It’s about being more alpha,” Crook insists, his determination evident. He envisions himself as a lion, not a timid figure. But the process is grueling, requiring repeated attempts and self-criticism. “You’ll berate yourself time after time,” Artisan warns, acknowledging the psychological toll of the training.

The Loneliness Epidemic: A Catalyst for Change

Pew Research Center data from 2024 highlights the scale of the issue: nearly one in six Americans report feeling lonely or disconnected from others most or all of the time. Men are disproportionately affected, with fewer seeking support from friends, family, or mental health professionals. This growing sense of alienation has fueled the demand for programs like The Attractive Man, where men can practice social skills in a controlled environment.

Artisan’s Nashville camp becomes a microcosm of this trend. The three-day program blends theory with practice, offering participants a chance to refine their approach. Crook, among others, is immersed in the experience, his progress tracked by CNN observers. The coaches emphasize precision in every detail—how to stand, how to speak, how to read a woman’s body language. Yet, the challenges are as much psychological as they are physical. “It’s not just about being attractive,” one man says. “It’s about being confident enough to be yourself.”

The participants’ motivations vary, but a common thread is the desire to rebuild meaningful relationships. For many, the boot camps are a lifeline, a way to bridge the gap between online interactions and real-world connection. “We want to restore what’s been lost,” Artisan says, pointing to a culture that prioritizes speed over depth. The camps, he argues, are not just about picking up women—they’re about redefining how men navigate social dynamics in an age of fragmentation.

As the training concludes, the participants are left with a mix of lessons and lingering doubts. Crook, for instance, struggles to maintain his composure, his confidence fluctuating with each attempt. But the program’s success lies in its ability to make men confront their insecurities while equipping them with tools to engage more effectively. Whether these methods lead to lasting relationships remains to be seen, but for now, the boot camps are thriving, offering a space where men can practice, fail, and rise again. In a world where connection feels increasingly elusive, these camps are a testament to the enduring human need for interaction, even if the path to it is fraught with challenges.