Why Do I Feel Depressed After Sex? Investigating Post-Coital Dysphoria

June 30, 2024 Guru

Have you ever felt sad or down after getting intimate with someone? You’re not alone. It’s called post-coital dysphoria, or the “post-sex blues,” and lots of people go through it¹. Studies show that feeling down after sex or masturbating is pretty common¹. While it’s not exactly like being clinically depressed, it can really hit hard on our happiness and connections with others.

Welcome to a deep dive into post-coital dysphoria. We’re going to look at what causes it, its signs, and some ways to deal with it. Getting a better handle on this issue can help us deal with the tough feelings and lessen their effect on our lives.

Table of Contents

What is Post-Coital Dysphoria?

Post-coital dysphoria is also known as the “post-sex blues.” It’s when someone feels negative emotions after sex. These feelings come after sex, not during or before, and they can last over an hour. It happens even after masturbation, whether an orgasm happened or not².

Definition and Prevalence

Studies show that post-coital dysphoria is quite common. It affects 46% of college students and up to 94% of adults. The exact numbers are still being figured out, but it seems to happen more to women than men³.

A 2019 study found that 41% of people with penises had post-coital dysphoria at some point². Another showed 46% of those with vulvas felt this way. And symptoms could follow consensual sex, general sexual activity, or even masturbation².

From a 2019 study, 3 to 4% of those with penises felt depressed after sex regularly². For those with vulvas, 5.1% felt this way a few times in the previous 4 weeks⁴.

This condition affects women more often than men³. Among men, it affected 41% at some point. Of these cases, 3% experienced it regularly³. Women with a history of postnatal depression are at a more significant risk due to a sensitivity to estrogen21⁴.

Symptoms of Post-Coital Dysphoria

Sometimes, after sex, you might feel sad, cry, or be very emotional. This is called post-coital dysphoria (PCD). It is quite common, affecting a considerable number of people. Studies show that about 46% of surveyed individuals, mainly young women, have had PCD at least once⁵⁵⁶.

PCD symptoms can look very different from person to person. For example, someone might feel annoyed, worried, or distant from their partner after sex that they usually enjoy⁵. Others might feel drained, angry, or want to be left alone⁵. Feeling moody, sad, or having depressive episodes is also quite common⁵⁵.

What’s interesting is that how PCD shows up may vary by gender. Women often feel sad and have mood swings, while men tend to feel unhappy and lack energy during PCD⁵. This tells us it’s important to learn more about PCD in different kinds of people.

Researchers have even suggested calling PCD “postcoital symptoms.” They think this name might better include all the ways people can feel after sex⁵. No matter what we call it, understanding the impact of sex on our emotions is complex but vital.

To deal with PCD, we need understanding, self-reflection, and a willingness to look at what may be causing these feelings. Knowing more about PCD can help us improve our sexual experiences, making them healthier and more rewarding.

Causes of Post-Coital Dysphoria

Hormonal Changes and Neurotransmitter Imbalances

Post-coital dysphoria (PCD) is complex, and its causes aren’t fully known. Hormonal shifts and changes in brain chemicals post-sex play a vital role. During and after sex, we see a spike in oxytocin, prolactin, dopamine, and serotonin.

When these levels drop after sex, some may feel low or emotionally distant⁷.

Other than hormonal changes, many factors can influence PCD’s development. Such as one’s mood disorders, past sexual trauma, view of their body, and emotional needs not being met. Having trouble in a relationship, dealing with low self-esteem, feeling regret about a partner, or substance use can also make one feel sad post-sex⁸.

A 2015 research showed that 46% of women felt sad after sex⁸. For some, PTSD or a strict religious background made these feelings worse⁸.

In 2015, another study noted that around 46% of people, mostly young women, felt post-coital sadness at least once⁵. Those with mental health issues like depression or anxiety are more likely to have negative experiences after sex. Issues like low sex drive or not performing well can heighten these feelings⁵.

Not achieving orgasm, past sexual trauma, challenges in the relationship, and society’s norms or religious teachings all affect PCD’s development⁵. Feeling anxious about performing sexually, having a bad self-image, or worrying about sex performance can also contribute⁵.

It’s important to tackle PCD by addressing its roots. This could involve therapies, writing about your feelings, talking openly with your partner, and learning about sex problems. These steps are key to battling this condition⁵.

Why Do I Feel Depressed After Sex?

Feeling down after sex might seem strange. Sex usually brings joy and closeness. But for some, it can lead to feeling very sad. This after-sex sadness is called postcoital dysphoria, or “post-sex blues.”⁷ Researchers aren’t sure why it happens. But they think it might be linked to some biological and psychological factors⁷.

Changes in hormones and brain chemicals might cause these sad feelings⁹. When we have sex, our body releases hormones like dopamine and oxytocin. But for some, this can lead to sadness. If someone already has depression or anxiety, these feelings might be stronger⁹.

If someone’s been through sexual abuse, it can make post-sex sadness worse⁹. This is because sex can bring up painful memories. People from very strict or sexually repressive backgrounds may also feel this way⁸. These experiences can sow the seeds for the post-sex blues⁸.

Not feeling good about our bodies can also lead to sadness after sex⁹. For those with low self-esteem, sex may end up reinforcing negative thoughts. If there are problems in the relationship, that can add to the sadness too⁸.

Knowing what causes post-sex sadness can help in dealing with it⁷. It’s important to talk about aftercare plans and how you feel. Therapy with a sex therapist could also help a lot⁷. Working on personal and relationship issues can make sex a happier experience.

The Role of Past Trauma

Research shows that past trauma, especially childhood sexual abuse, can lead to post-coital dysphoria (PCD)¹⁰. This means people might feel sad or anxious after sex. Studies link childhood sexual abuse to a higher chance of PCD¹¹¹⁰.

Sexual abuse in childhood can lead to complex emotional and psychological issues. These can affect adult sexual relationships and experiences.

Childhood Sexual Abuse and Its Impact

If someone faced sexual trauma, like childhood sexual abuse, sex might bring feelings of vulnerability or shame¹⁰. These feelings could cause the sad or anxious symptoms of PCD¹¹¹⁰. Not everyone who went through trauma gets PCD, but talking to a mental health pro can help.

Research suggests childhood sexual abuse could predict PCD in about 5% of cases¹¹¹⁰. A study by Bird et al. found that such a history accounts for about 4.1% of PCD cases¹¹. These results show how past trauma can heavily influence feelings after sex and overall well-being¹¹¹²¹⁰.

Body Image and Self-Consciousness

Feeling bad about how you look can make after-sex feelings worse¹³. Being very aware of your body can make sex different and harder. This can cause a lot of shame and bad feelings after being close with someone¹³. For some, getting undressed and being intimate makes them feel really low afterwards¹³.

Feeling anxious can make reaching orgasm tough for some people¹⁴. The way media shows orgasms can make you think yours should be the same. This can make you not notice when you actually have a great time¹⁴. Problems with how you see your body can also affect enjoying sex. It can make you feel shy and not fully present during sex¹⁴.

Getting better at how you see your body is key for dealing with after-sex blues¹³. Talking with your partner can make a big difference. It can help if you’re not having as much fun as you think you should¹³. If past bad experiences are making you feel terrible after sex, consider getting professional help¹³.

Learning how body image can affect after-sex feelings is important. It lets you work on making your sex life better. Also, it shows you how to handle the feelings after being close with someone.

The Importance of Aftercare

If you’ve had post-coital dysphoria, aftercare can be key. It’s what you dofterwards to feel safe and cared for. The aim is to create a calm, supportive space to handle tough emotions¹⁵.

You can do things like take a warm bath or write in a journal. Your partner’s gentle touch or kind words can help too. These practices make it easier to deal with the blues and move on¹⁵.

Aftercare comes from the BDSM world but is now for all kinds of relationships. It helps keep things positive and respectful. And it makes sex better for everyone, no matter the setup¹⁵.

It’s key to talk about what each partner needs after sex¹⁵. This care varies, but the main thing is that everyone feels supported and okay¹⁵.

Postcoital dysphoria affects both men and women. You might feel down, irritable, or anxious. Those with mental health issues are more likely to experience it¹⁶.

It’s more common in women, yet men can suffer too. Talking openly about how you feel after sex can help. It might make things better¹⁶.

To sum up, aftercare is crucial for tackling post-sex sadness and dealing with post-coital dysphoria. By focusing on self-care and sharing your feelings, you can make your sex life more positive¹⁵.

Coping Strategies for Post-Coital Dysphoria

Dealing with post-coital dysphoria (PCD) can be tough. Yet, you can find ways to cope and feel better¹⁷. It’s important to care for yourself. Doing so can balance your hormones and improve your mood. You should eat well, exercise, keep stress low, and sleep enough¹⁷. Also, tracking your period might show how hormones affect your mood after sex.

Talking to your partner openly is key¹⁷. They can give you the support you need. Feeling down after sex is common and happens to many at least once¹⁸. Sharing your feelings will help them better understand and support you.

Getting help from a therapist is a good idea¹⁷. Especially if you have anxiety or depression, PCD symptoms might hit you harder¹⁷. A therapist will work with you to figure out why you feel this way. They’ll help you with personalized ways to cope and take care of yourself.

Remember, dealing with PCD doesn’t mean you’re the only one¹⁷. Lots of people face this, no matter their gender or sexuality¹⁷. Using self-care, talking with your partner, and seeking help can help you feel better¹⁷¹⁸¹⁹.

Gender Differences in Post-Coital Dysphoria

Post-coital dysphoria (PCD) seems more common in women, but it affects everyone. Men and women might see different symptoms³. For example, women often feel sad or have mood swings. Men may feel unhappy or tired³. A study in 2019 showed 41% of men faced PCD in their lives³. But, we don’t research men’s PCD as much as women’s³. So, we need more studies to understand this issue better.

In another study, 40% of men had felt Post-Coital Tristesse (PCT) at least once. And 20% felt PCT in the month before the study²⁰. A few, 3-4%, of them felt PCT symptoms often²⁰. Women had different numbers. Only 3.7% felt recent PCT, while 7.7% felt it lasted a long time²⁰. Nearly half of female students had PCT symptoms²⁰. However, they did not link it to intimacy issues²⁰ in close relationships.

A study on women found 46% faced postcoital dysphoria at some point⁶. For men, another study found 41% had experienced it⁶. Many things could cause PCD. This includes hormones, guilt about sex, or relationship worries. How people feel about their bodies or their sex life can also play a big part⁶. Tips for dealing with PCD include looking inward, talking with partners, and getting help from professionals if needed⁶.

This highlights that PCD is not just a women’s issue. Men and women may have different reasons for feeling this way. More research can guide those facing post-sex depression to the right help and coping methods.

Seeking Professional Help

If post-coital dysphoria’s distressing symptoms affect your life or relationships, seeking help is a good idea²¹. A therapist can help find out why you feel this way and suggest ways to cope²¹. They’ll also make sure there’s no other mental health issue and give you support²¹.

Don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Working with a professional can make you feel better emotionally and enjoy sex more²¹. In 2019, Mental Health America found 19% of U.S. adults had mental health issues²². The National Institutes of Health say more than half of us might get a mental health diagnosis at some point²².

Feelings of emptiness or worthlessness are symptoms of post-nut depression. So are tearfulness, losing interest in things, or changes in eating and sleep habits²¹.
Some people might feel sad after sex due to shifts in hormone levels. For them, dopamine decreases and prolactin rises after climax²¹.
Feeling stressed or guilty about sex can cause post-nut sadness too²¹.
Spending quality time together is crucial for couples. It helps maintain intimacy and avoid feeling disconnected or sad²¹.

Getting help through the NAMI HelpLine can link you to specialists for advice on managing post-coital depression²¹. Practices like mindfulness and self-compassion can reduce anxiety and depression²¹.

Building healthy habits, staying close to loved ones, and doing activities that make you feel good can decrease post-coital depression symptoms²¹. Surrounding yourself with support, either at home or in a group, can help you heal from post-nut depression²¹.

Choosing to seek help shows courage. With support and strategies, you can deal with post-coital dysphoria and enjoy sex again²¹. Depression impacts about 6.7% of U.S. adults. Globally, it’s a leading cause of disability, affecting 300 million people²³.

If sadness lingers or you’re worried about your mental health, a mental health expert can guide you through this²². In the U.S., depression affects 3.1% of children and 8.7% of teens²³. Women are more prone to depression than men, with rates at 8.7% for women and 5.3% for men²³.

You’re not alone in this struggle. With professional help and good coping skills, you can beat post-coital dysphoria and enjoy sex²¹. Around 46% of women feel sadness, anxiety, or restlessness after sex at least once in their lives²³. Among those with depression, about 30% have thoughts of ending their life²³.

Conclusion

Have you ever felt sad or negative after sex, even if it was good? This feeling is called postcoital dysphoria, or the “post-sex blues.” It shows up as sadness, irritation, or feeling disconnected after consensual sex or masturbation²⁴. The exact causes are not clear. However, things like hormonal changes, imbalanced neurotransmitters²⁵, past traumas, and body image issues may play a part²⁴²⁵.

To deal with postcoital dysphoria, it helps to look after yourself, talk to your partner, and maybe see a professional²⁶. Bringing awareness to this issue can guide individuals to get the help and support they need. This way, everyone can bounce back from the “post-sex blues”²⁴²⁵²⁶.

Feeling down after sex might be more common than you think. But, it’s not a problem you have to face by yourself. Addressing the root causes and using effective coping methods can lead us to healthier, happier sexual encounters. Remember, it’s okay to feel this way, and reaching out for support can be very helpful.