Why Am I So Tired After Sex? Understanding Post-Coital Fatigue

June 28, 2024 Guru

Have you heard of the idea that men fall asleep happily after sex, but women stay wide awake? It’s an interesting thought. Why do we often have different energy levels after being intimate with someone¹? This issue is important to understand, as it can affect relationships.

Being together in a physical way can tire us out. Our blood pressure and blood flow increase. Plus, endorphins are released, which feels good. After reaching climax, both men and women get a lot of oxytocin. They also get melatonin, making them feel sleepy¹. Here, men and women are different. They release other chemicals like vasopressin and prolactin too. This leads to varied reactions post-sex¹.

You might feel emotionally drained after sex. This could be because you feel very close to your partner or the emotions were strong. How stressed you are plays a part in how tired you feel afterwards¹.Everyone is unique, so some might feel ready to take on the world after, while others might want to just sleep.

Sex uses a lot of our energy, similar to doing a workout. It can leave you physically tired, especially if you’re not at your best health-wise². Neurochemicals like oxytocin and serotonin make us feel relaxed and sleepy post-sex². However, for some women, or those born female, sex can be a real pick-me-up².

Having sex with someone we really trust might make us feel secure and content. This can make it easier to fall asleep. So, our emotions after sex can make a big difference in how we feel afterwards².

Table of Contents

The Common Experience of Post-Coital Fatigue

Many think the man falls asleep after sex, leaving the woman awake. But in truth, after sex, energy levels can vary greatly³. One may feel tired while the other feels full of life. This difference happens a lot and can affect relationships a lot, not just in bed³.

The Stereotypical Portrayal of Post-Sex Energy Levels

The idea that guys fall asleep and women stay awake is a simplification. It draws on old-school sex role ideas³. The real picture is complex. The body does lots of things after sex, like increasing heart rate and regulating heat³.

The Impact of Mismatched Energy Levels on Relationships

When what you want after sex doesn’t match your partner’s, it can be hard. It might lead to tension and confusion⁴. This lack of sync can stress the relationship, inside and outside the bedroom⁴. Talking openly and tackling these issues together is key. It keeps the love and connection strong.

After sex, your body releases hormones that impact sleepiness, mood, and euphoria³. These natural processes affect how alert or tired you feel after being intimate³.

Knowing why post-sex tiredness happens helps. It lets couples find ways to deal and keep their intimate and emotional connection healthy⁴³⁵.

Hormonal Reasons Behind Post-Sex Tiredness

Our body’s hormones and brain chemicals change during sex and impact our energy levels⁶. Before the 1980s, doctors didn’t know fatigue could be connected to these changes⁶. Now, we understand these imbalances can make us tired. Experts link our fast-paced lives in cities to these imbalances⁶. In women, issues with the thyroid gland can lead to tiredness. So can low levels of testosterone. This hormone condition also links to being fatigued and gaining weight in women⁶. Women face more risk from not enough estrogen, which increases chances of certain cancers and heart diseases.

The Role of Oxytocin and Cortisol

Oxytocin, often called the “love hormone,” impacts our energy after sex⁷. It works by reducing the stress hormone cortisol for us to feel calm⁷. But everyone’s body reacts differently, and ongoing stress can mess with cortisol levels⁶. A study in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences found that outside stress is a big factor in cortisol upsets.

Additional Hormones Released During and After Orgasm

During orgasm, our body releases several hormones and chemicals. These include vasopressin, prolactin, serotonin, nitric oxide, and endorphins⁷. Vasopressin affects memory, focus, and how we act towards a sexual partner⁷. Serotonin and endorphins boost mood⁷. Nitric oxide boosts blood flow to sex organs, making orgasms better⁷. Prolactin, produced afterwards, lowers desire and brings relaxation⁷. Its level changes based on things like having an orgasm, pregnant, or breastfeeding⁷³. People with vaginas and women may feel sleepy after sex because prolactin rises, causing relaxation and tiredness.

These hormones mix to give us various post-sex feelings. Some feel happy and calm, while others get tired or feel bad³. Almost half the people in a study felt negative emotions after sex. This included anxiety, irritability, and shame.

Hormone/Neurotransmitter	Effect on Post-Sex Energy
Oxytocin	Makes you calm by dropping cortisol
Prolactin	Lowers want and promotes calm, leading to sleepiness
Vasopressin	Affects recall, focus, and behavior
Serotonin and Endorphins	Lift mood and add to satisfaction
Nitric Oxide	Boosts blood to sex organs, makes orgasms better

The hormonal response to sex can differ and be affected by stress, health issues, and our emotions with our partners⁷. Feeling tired after sex can also be due to your health before sex⁷. The way you have sex and how tiring it is can also change how you feel after⁷. Our emotions from our relationships can make us more awake or sleepy after sex⁶³⁷.

Other Variables Affecting Energy Levels After Sex

After sex, our energy levels are affected by various things besides hormones. Things like our menstrual cycles, medications, and how active we are play a big part. Even our emotions can impact if we feel tired or energized after being intimate.

The Impact of Menstrual Cycles, Medications, and Other Factors

Menstrual cycles really change how we feel after sex. Women sleep less than men on average⁸. They are also more likely to get insomnia, especially if they’re mothers helping at night⁸. This makes many women feel tired after sex, especially during certain parts of their cycle.

Some medications can also make us feel tired after sex. For example, certain antidepressants and blood pressure pills can cause drowsiness⁹. Sleep issues like insomnia, sleep apnea, and restless leg syndrome can affect our sex life too⁹.

Physical Exertion and Emotional State

Sexual activities that need a lot of effort can make us feel sleepy later⁸. But the good feelings we get from hormones like oxytocin and prolactin can also make us sleep better⁹.

Our mood affects how we feel after being intimate. If we’re already stressed, we might feel more tired after sex⁹. Plus, worrying too much about not getting enough sleep or our sex drive can really affect our sleep and how we feel after sex⁸.

Many things come together to affect how we feel after being intimate. Hormones, our activity level, and how we feel emotionally are all important. By knowing about these factors, we can adjust our expectations and improve how we feel after intimacy⁸⁹¹⁰.

why am i so tired after sex

Feeling tired after getting close with someone is pretty normal. It happens because of the mix of physical, hormone, and feelings. All these add up to make us want to take a nap after some fun time.

When we have sex matters a lot too. Doing it late at night, especially after 12 AM, can leave us feeling drained the next day. But if we get to it in the morning, we might feel more awake after¹¹. Getting enough sleep, like at least 8 hours, is also super important. It lets our body and mind recharge, keeping us ready for whatever comes next¹¹. Stress is another biggie. It can make us feel tired and not in the mood for fun stuff affecting how we enjoy sex and our energy level¹¹.

The action itself can tire us out, burning up all that energy. Taking short breaks can let our body rest and get ready to finish strong¹¹. Drinking enough water is key because sex can make us lose a lot of fluids¹¹. And watch out for drinking too much alcohol before. It can make you less excited about sex and more tired when it’s over¹¹.

Sex makes our body release chemicals that make us want to sleep, like serotonin and norepinephrine. It also makes hormones come out, like prolactin after a guy finishes, which makes them feel like chilling¹². Surprisingly, when we get more sleep, it actually boosts our chance of having sex the next day by a good bit¹².

The causes of being tired after getting close are many. They involve our body using a lot of energy, the way our hormones react, and how we feel emotionally about the whole thing¹³. Guys specifically may feel more tired because their bodies do a lot during and after sex, like releasing prolactin which can make them sleepy¹³. Even women might feel this way, though most studies focus on men¹³.

To avoid feeling like crashing after sex, it helps to plan it around other fun things you want to do. And talking openly with your partner about what to expect afterwards can be really helpful, so nobody ends up feeling let down¹³.

Knowing why we feel tired after being intimate can help us make better choices. By managing our sleep, stress, how much water we drink, and when we get close, we can have great, energizing times with our partner¹¹¹²¹³.

Addressing Extreme Post-Orgasmic Exhaustion

After sex, energy levels can change for most people. But, some may feel intense sadness or like they have the flu after orgasming. These conditions need a doctor’s visit to check for causes and get the right treatments¹⁴.

Post Coital Dysphoria and Post Orgasmic Illness Syndrome

Post-Orgasmic Exhaustion Syndrome (POIS) is very rare. It brings on flu-like symptoms, fatigue, and body aches right after sex¹⁴. Mainly, this affects men. However, it’s very unlikely to happen to women¹⁴. Therapists who specialize in sex can help with managing symptoms and finding ways to cope¹⁴.

A research showed that 18.2% of men felt sick right after ejaculation. And, 56.7% got symptoms within 30 minutes¹⁵. Also, 85% started feeling unwell within 6 hours, and 76.2% had issues after almost every ejaculation¹⁵. Over half said their symptoms lasted from 2 to 7 days¹⁵.

For about 44% of men, avoiding sex was common to dodge the after-effects. And, 73% tried to stay away from masturbation to avoid feeling sick. The symptoms also affected their love lives, as reported by 77% of those surveyed¹⁵.

POIS was often seen after certain activities like masturbation or sex with ejaculation. And many noted symptoms after having wet dreams¹⁵. It often came with other issues like premature ejaculation and anxiety. Some even mentioned erectile dysfunction¹⁵.

About 55.6% of those with POIS got medical help. Most first saw a general doctor then a urologist. Treatments included antihistamines (33.3%) and SSRIs (16.7%)¹⁵.

Since 2002, there have been approximately 50 POIS cases in the published studies. How often it occurs remains unclear because few studies exist. With POIS, symptoms last 2-7 days and usually begin within 30 minutes of orgasm for 87% of the affected men¹⁶. A notable amount (56%) experience Premature Ejaculation (PE) throughout their lives. In 45 cases, about half were considered primary POIS, and the rest, secondary. Doctors have tried different treatments such as antihistamines and SSRIs to ease the symptoms¹⁶.

Communicating with Your Partner About Post-Sex Energy Levels

Talking about our post-sex energy levels with our partner is key. It helps us dodge conflicts and find solutions that suit both of us. Feeling tired after intimacy is common, but having different energy levels can sow misunderstandings. This might make one person feel left out, while the other feels ignored.

Avoiding Misinterpretations and Finding Compromises

It’s crucial to have open, non-judgmental talks to set expectations and find common ground. For example, more cuddling time could be a win-win. Or, the livelier one might want a few moments to themselves. These steps can enrich the bond¹⁷.

Using “yes, no, maybe” lists for aftercare activities is a good idea¹⁷. Aftercare – like sharing sweet words or what you enjoyed – supports intimacy. It also helps keep feel-good chemicals like oxytocin and dopamine in check¹⁷. Switching aftercare activities can be a fair way to meet both partners’ needs¹⁷.

Don’t forget to say nice things and share what you liked right after being intimate. This can grow your emotional closeness and make you both happier¹⁸. Adding some jokes and laughter afterwards is smart too. It keeps the mood light and the feeling of closeness going¹⁸.

Open communication, setting realistic expectations, and being willing to meet halfway can bridge any post-sex energy gap. This approach helps strengthen our bond.

The Importance of Self-Acceptance and Planning

It’s vital to accept our own post-sex energy patterns, whether we need to rest or are wide awake¹⁹. Fighting these natural body signs is not the best strategy. Instead, we should plan our activities around them²⁰. For example, scheduling sex when we have time to rest afterward can be helpful. Or, we could talk to our partner ahead of time about what we need²⁰.

The idea of ‘sexual aftercare’ started in the BDSM world but is now used by many. This includes those in non-kink groups, monogamous couples, and people in polyamorous relationships²⁰. After sex, engaging in activities like cuddling, talking, or eating snacks together helps partners feel connected and happy²⁰.

Sex releases endorphins that make us feel good. Despite this, some people might feel sad or anxious after sex, known as post-coital dysphoria²⁰. It’s important to talk with our partner about what makes us feel good after intimacy to make sure they feel loved and supported²⁰. By doing this, we can prevent negative thoughts or feelings that sometimes come after sex²⁰.

Aftercare is key for transitioning back to our regular activities after intimacy. It builds a positive emotional link between sex and daily life²⁰. The type of aftercare needed might evolve over time. Communicating and sharing what we need with our partner is crucial for it to be effective²⁰.

Dr. Carla Manly and others note that sexual energy exchange is an important issue in relationships²¹. They argue that where we have sex affects our emotions, as feelings are easily passed between people during close moments²¹.

Lena Elkhatib, a therapist, believes that being aware of our sexual energy requires mindfulness and intent²¹. She says self-awareness is key for a healthy sex life, and helps us understand our emotions while being intimate²¹.

Integrating our sexual needs, according to Sam Nabil, can be a solo journey. He recommends understanding our desires to find sexual happiness²¹. He asserts that sexual preferences vary among individuals, stressing that diversity is something to celebrate²¹.

Half of us struggle to fully accept ourselves as we are¹⁹. Psychology has no single theory for self-acceptance¹⁹. Therapy often focuses on this topic, as it’s linked to personal happiness and mental health¹⁹.

Vasile (2013) found that accepting ourselves unconditionally is key to well-being¹⁹. This is different from self-esteem, though the two are related¹⁹.

When to Seek Medical Advice for Post-Coital Fatigue

Sometimes, feeling tired after sex is normal. But if this happens a lot or makes you very tired, you might need to see a doctor²². Issues like post-coital dysphoria or post-orgasmic illness syndrome are serious. They need proper diagnosis and treatment²².

If sex leaves you extremely tired for a long time or makes you feel off, it might be wise to talk to a healthcare pro²³. Often, this fatigue is linked to hormones, hard work, or stress²³. But, ruling out other health problems is crucial.

Seek medical advice if post-sex exhaustion is accompanied by symptoms such as:
- Feeling really, really tired for more than a few hours
- Major mood swings, like sadness or getting mad for no reason
- Feeling like having the flu, with body aches, headaches, or feeling sick
A healthcare provider can identify the problem. They might suggest the right treatment or way to manage it²³.

If you’re dealing with post-coital dysphoria or post-orgasmic illness, getting help is key²². These issues might need special care, like medicines. Hormone therapy, antidepressants, or antihistamines could help with the symptoms²⁴.

Talking to a doctor can help you understand your tiredness better²³. It might lead to better, happier sex. This is not just about feeling better physically, but also improving your mood.

It’s vital to get medical advice for severe or ongoing post-sex fatigue²³. This step is important for your health. Any issues that keep bothering you should be shared with a doctor.

Conclusion

The feeling of being tired after sex can change a lot from one person to another. This is also true for a single person, depending on many things like hormones and feelings. After orgasm, the body releases chemicals that make you feel sleepy and relaxed, like prolactin and oxytocin. Men often feel more sleepy after sex than women do.

The type of sex and personal health also make a big difference. If someone’s taking medicine or is at a certain point in their menstrual cycle, they might feel more or less tired. So, energy levels after sex really vary from person to person²⁵.

Feeling super energetic after sex isn’t always real. But knowing why we feel tired can help us deal with it better. Sometimes, feeling extremely exhausted after sex might be a health problem and needs a doctor’s help, like with POIS.

Understanding our own reactions and being open to communicate with our partners is key. This way, we can make sure we’re taking care of ourselves well. And that we’re enjoying sex and intimacy in the best way for us. Remember, feeling tired after sex isn’t the same for everyone. It’s okay to feel the way you do.